Rehabilitation Process

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Moment of Surrender

What to expect in this episode:

 

  1. Yeshaia Blakeney hit bottom on Pico in Los Angeles
  2.  He was pulled over an arrested for selling marijuana
  3. That was the moment of surrender for him, where he said ok. I give up. I lose. Show me the way out…

 

The Moment of Surrender

 

My bottom was on Pico in Los Angeles.  

 

I got pulled over.  I was selling marijuana.  

 

A police officer said, “Okay if I search your car?”

 

I said, “Why are you going to do that?”  He said, “Step out of the car sir” and searched my car.  

 

I knew I was going to get arrested and I knew I was in big trouble.

 

I remember sitting on the curb and I felt defeated, not just in that moment, but in my whole life.  I felt like I had been living one way and it wasn’t working anymore and that was the moment of surrender for me.  

 

Where I said, “Okay world, you win, I lose”.

 

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My Favorite Questions

What to expect in this episode:

 

  1. If you’re in a real situation that is making your life difficult I would say go inside of yourself and say, where are you stuck?
  2.  If there’s a favorite question, it’s those that the answers have a real impact on somebody’s life
  3. I’m trying to get off heroin, what do you think about Suboxone Maintenance? That’s a common question, but important question…

 

My Favorite Questions

If you’re in a real situation in real time in real life that is making your life difficult, whether that’s an act of addiction or you’re stuck in your sobriety or it’s somebody that you love and you’re stuck, I would say go inside of yourself and say, where are you stuck, what is it you don’t get, what is it you need at this moment, how would you frame that as a question?

 

So, if there’s a question, my favorite questions, are the questions that the answers have a real impact on somebody’s life.

 

It could be something technical, so it could be – I’m trying to get off heroin, what do you think about Suboxone Maintenance? Right. That’s a common question, but that’s an important question, right because that question is going to impact your life potentially for the next six months to the next year.

 

You know, so it could be a technical question around something like that or it could be a question about I keep letting my kid come back home and they keep relapsing. It’s been five times in two years, what should I do? Well, that’s a really deep question. Right. It’s easy to say, just lock them out and let them hit bottom.

 

It’s easy to say, just keep them and love them, you know what I mean? It’s hard to say you’re in a really difficult situation where any choice you make isn’t good – something bad could happen and that’s the first thing you have to acknowledge, that holding your kid in your house while they’re getting high, does not keep them safe and kicking them out doesn’t keep them safe.

 

So, my answer, for instance, to a question like that would be to tell your child that all you can support is their recovery right now and if they’re not being willing to engage in recovery than you can’t support them, because the only part of them you can support right now is recovery and that’s a hard thing to do, but at least it puts the ball in their court.

 

Where you’re saying “I’m not kicking you out, I’ll help you get somewhere, but I’m not just going to keep you here in your addiction either.”

 

And sometimes a little phrase, I know I had to say that.

 

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Moment of Grace

What to expect in this episode:

 

  1. When I first came into recovery it was like a giant mountain I didn’t know how to climb
  2. People were giving me info, love, encouragement, support, so I began The Climb
  3. You begin to plateau, but then you are granted a moment of grace – when all those burdens flip off your shoulders and become a foundation…

 

My Moment of Grace

When I first came into recovery, I just remember kind of walking into treatment and all this information that was given, and it was like a giant mountain and I was like “Whoa, how am I ever going to climb that thing?”

 

And there were people that were encouraging me and giving me information and giving me love and giving me care, and so I started to climb the mountain and I’m like “Whoa, this is – okay, I can do this”. And then it just felt like the progress was slow, it was like trying to climb a hill in roller skates, you know.

 

And everything felt so heavy, but there’s something that happens in that recovery journey. It’s not something that can be measured. It’s not scientific. It’s not in any manuals. It’s something close to grace and all of those things that are weighing you down, all of those burdens that are making you heavy and making you small and making you feel like you’ve never be able to stand up straight.

 

You’ll never be able to look yourself in the eyes. You’ll never be able to feel love, none of that. Something happens in an unmeasurable instant, at some point in that journey, where all of those rocks on top of you, all of those burdens, all of that weight, it just flips.

 

And suddenly, you have this new capacity, you have – you’re in touch with something different. I call it Hope, you can call it what you want and you’re able to travel up to the top of that hill. And once you get to the top of that hill and you’re standing on top of that mountain, once you’re there, there’s nothing to do but just dance, because you’re free and you’re dancing the dance of recovery

 

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Spotlight on: Louise Stanger | Interventionist

Collaboration with esteemed professionals in our community is a foundational element to Recover Integrity’s commitment to providing the best addiction recovery & care. Dr. Louise Stanger, Author, Educator, Speaker, and Interventionist is someone we are proud to introduce.

 

Louise Stanger EdD, LCSW, CDWF, CIP is a renowned interventionist and thought-leader in the behavioral health and addiction treatments industry. She has performed thousands of family interventions in the US and abroad, gives presentations around the country on various topics related to mental health and addiction, process disorders and chronic pain.

 

Recover Integrity co-founders Adam Mindel & Yeshaia Blakeney have known Louise for nearly a decade through her visitation and support of Beit T’Shuvah. Over the years, Adam has had the opportunity to work side by side with her on a case, attend various lectures by her, and turn to Louise as a fellow colleague for advice and consultation.

 

Louise is prolific within the intervention community. She has written numerous books and consulted for many treatment programs. Her new book, The Definitive Guide to Addiction Interventions: A Collective Strategy, is the first academic book in the U.S. about the intervention process.

 

Dr. Stanger’s connection to fellow professionals is enormous along with her knowledge and understandings of treatment programs throughout the country. Working alongside professionals with the degree of field experience as Dr. Stanger is always a rewarding experience.

 

 

Dr. Stanger will be honored at the 29th Annual Peggy Albrecht Friendly House Awards Luncheon with the Excellence in Service Award at 1

1am on Saturday, October 27th, 2018 at the Beverly Hilton Hotel alongside Demi Moore and Angela Davis. Congratulations, Louise!

Please check out these resources for more information on interventions or intervention methods, or contact our very own renowned interventionist and co-founder, Adam Mindel.

 

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My Regrets

What to expect in this episode:

 

  1. My life turned out ok – do I have regrets about my path in addiction?
  2. I do not regret the path, but I regret every person I bumped into and harmed along the way.
  3. I didn’t have values, I was not a good dude. I regret that.

 

My Regrets

I was speaking to a group of high schoolers and somebody asked me the question, “well for you this all worked out, for your path, so do you regret it?” and I have the same answer now that I had with the high school kid:

 

I don’t regret that experience, I regret every person I bumped into along the way and influenced their lives poorly;  that I was not a person who made people’s lives around me better and so in that sense I actually really regret it and it wasn’t worth it for me in that sense – but now that I’m not going to beat myself up about that – but if that makes sense.

 

I think we underestimate the impact we have when we’re in our addictions let me know you know I’m here talking like a ‘made up’ dude but I was not a good dude I was not a good person and I didn’t have values.

 

I harmed people… I wasn’t evil but I wasn’t fun to have around either and so I have to acknowledge that, there’s a certain reality there…

 

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Drugs & Alcohol Saved My Life

What to expect in this episode:

 

  1. The pervasive feeling at AA  meetings that drugs or alcohol actually saved many from suicide
  2. Drinking can lead to bonding, which is good, until the tipping point of addiction
  3. Acknowledging as a society that there’s a piece of that that’s beautiful, but that beauty can rot over time.

 

Drugs and Alcohol Saved My Life.

🙏

If I had not used drugs and alcohol I would have killed myself. I mean, I’ve heard that many times,  in AA meetings.

 

In some ways for people that medicine works. It works where you actually do find a way to feel good in your life and you find a way to connect with others and you find a group.

 

The issue becomes when it grows into a full-blown addiction and it doesn’t work anymore. So, medicine can work, addiction can work as a medicine for a period of time.

 

It can also create social bonds and things like that and, I think, probably most people have a period in their life when they look back on getting high and drinking as part of their story arc.

 

Those are great times.

 

For some people, they were the best times of their life. ‘When I went to college and I experimented with drugs’

 

So acknowledge as a society that there’s a piece of that that’s beautiful, but that beauty can rot over time.

 

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The Self is Too Small for Perpetual Enthusiasm

What to expect in this episode:

 

  1. Hudson Smith Said, “The Self is Too Small for Perpetual Enthusiasm
  2. what makes us miserable and stuck as human beings, is that we’re stuck in ourselves
  3. Path to Growth is to get out of the Self

 

The Self is Just Too Small…

 

Hudson Smith has this quote, “That the self is too small for perpetual enthusiasm” It’s a lot of words, but if you think about it, he’s talking about the Path to Growth and the Path to Enlightenment, that what makes us miserable and stuck as human beings, is that we’re stuck in ourselves.

 

When I’m in myself, thinking about myself, you know 15 hours a day, my needs, my wants, my desires, etc., etc., I’m not happy right.  

 

He says that the “Path to Growth is to get out of the Self”, right.

 

Why?

 

Because I’m just too small to stay jazzed about and if I can’t get into your life, for my kid’s life, for my wife’s life, or my community or the world, well then, I’m stuck, so that little phrase, “The Self is too small for perpetual enthusiasm” always rang true with me.

 

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Recovery is About Living Life

What to expect in this episode:

 

  1. Recovery is about life, not sobriety
  2. Having trouble with life while sober
  3. The shift from ‘staying sober’ to living fully

 

Recovery is Not About Sobriety…

 

I thought getting sober was about sobriety.

 

It was like “I have to stay sober, I can’t use, one day at a time no matter what” and what changed for me is that I recognized that recovery is about life.

 

And how we live life.

 

And really, only a very small part of it is about drugs and alcohol.

 

When I’m having a hard time in recovery, what does that mean? It just means I’m having a hard time in life.

 

Recovery is not a thing recovery is just ‘how I’m living’. So it evolved from something that was about drugs and alcohol into something that was about life.

 

And that’s a massive shift.

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A Message to Mom

What to expect in this episode:

 

  1. Deciding to Send them to Rehab
  2. Getting Aligned | Treatment’s Sacred Pact
  3. What is My Role in His Recovery?

 

What can a mother do if her child is suffering with addiction

 

 

The first thing that I would say to a mom who’s saying,

 

“I’m sending my son to your treatment program, what do you have to tell me?”

 

Right.  Something like that, like somebody who’s right for our Treatment Program.

 

I would say,

 

“You need to come in and we need to sit down. And we’ve got to make sure that all parties are aligned in this agreement.

 

 

“We’ve got to make sure that you’re looking at me in the eyes, that your son is there, and I’m there and when we make this sacred little pact, everybody’s clear, not everybody has to agree completely, people can have different opinions, but that beginning step everybody’s really clear and onboard with what’s happening.”

 

And I would say,

 

I’m available. I’ll be honest, I don’t know what’s going to happen six months from now.

 

 

 I can tell you that I’ll communicate to you very clearly what I see. I can tell you here’s where I think he’s going.  I can tell you here’s what I think he needs. I can tell you here’s where I think he’s stuck.

 

I can tell you what I think your role needs to be and the most that I could offer you is honest experience in the relationship as well as, the best well-worn techniques to help people transform in this kind of environment.  That’s all anybody can offer by the way and open-mindedness.

 

I will see your son as your son, not as somebody else, not as a number, not as a patient, I will see your son for who your son is, and I will work with him accordingly.

 

 

 

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Speaking Truthfully to an Addict

What to expect in this episode

  1. Speaking truthfully
  2. Don’t be afraid and be compassionate
  3. Take care of yourself

 

 

Speaking Truthfully to an Addict

 

Be courageous and speak the truth

So, I talked to parents and spouse and brothers and sisters all the time who’s loved ones are suffering from addiction and they’re afraid and they’re also really afraid to speak truthfully to the person who’s suffering, and I would say, obviously to get some help, if you need help doing that, but that it’s about speaking truthfully to people and telling them how it impacts you.

Now if somebody’s deep in addiction they might or might not be able to hear that and you might need a professional to come in and work with that person, but just like I was talking to a mom yesterday, and what I told her was, you can’t be afraid to go away for the holidays and tell your son that you’re not going to bring him, because he almost died from an alcohol overdose and you’re afraid to bring him.

So, you have to tell him, “I love you very much, but I’m afraid to bring you. You know because of your alcoholism.”  So, I think being able to be truthful, compassionate if possible, not losing your temper if possible, I think that’s nice, but being courageous and speaking truth.  And it’s a really painful job that loved ones have because sometimes these addictions span on for years and years, you know.

Get the help that you need

The other thing I would say, is to make sure you’re taking care of yourself, like you’re – you know, you are – you’re engaged with somebody in addiction with this child or something like that, like you’re getting hurt day in and day out, and so you really have to take care of yourself in order just to have the strength that you can be, let alone have those conversations.

So, the thing that I would say, is to make sure you’re getting the help that you need and speak compassionate truth to the person that you love.

 

 

 

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